Like the weather, changes in life can come swiftly and unexpectedly. Rock Legend David Bowie accepted that time may change me, but I can’t change time.” The unexpected storms of life can destabilise us. Identifying and understanding our ‘go to’ actions and reactions can help us prepare for and deal with the waves of change ahead of us, such as the ageing journey.
Life can change in the blink of an eye. What we know, what we love -- it can all change. Our comfort, our security, our home -- it can all be taken away – in the same way as many people across New Zealand have experienced over the years due to natural disasters. One event or one phone call can change everything. Sometimes for better; often for worse.
What do you do when you’re buffeted by unmitigated, unexpected and certainly unwanted alterations to life’s course. Things will come to you faster than imagined. Identifying and understanding our ‘go to’ actions and reactions can help us prepare for and deal with the waves of change ahead of us, such as the ageing journey.
It is hard to prepare for the feeling of being overwhelmed. Fortunately, there are a plethora of resources available to bring to the fore in coping with, and managing, change or incidents and events that can rock the core of your world. There are changes that you manage and/or do your best to control. Then there is the type of changes whereby your world feels like it is continually falling apart.
Your outlook on the world does affect how you deal with new situations and challenges. If your tendency is to look on the gloomy side of any situation, major changes may worsen the feelings of overwhelm. Negative thoughts and feelings can lead to greater stress – feeling like a vicious cycle is happening to you.
Even positive change can be destabilising for some people. This is because a once planned life can soon look different. Your routine is disrupted, you are put out of your comfort zone, all of which can make it harder to deal with the change.
Some of the realities of healthy ageing
As we grow older, we experience an increasing number of major life changes, including career transitions and retirement, children leaving home, the death of people we care about, physical and health challenges—and the loss of independence. These are impactful at any stage of life, but sometimes the effects test our resilience more as we get older.
How we handle and grow from these changes is often the key to healthy ageing. Information, prior experiences, available resources and supports, all play a critical part in having the ways and means of making the most out of any situation.
Coping with change is difficult at any age and it’s natural to feel the losses you experience. However, by balancing your sense of loss with positive factors, you can stay healthy and continue to reinvent yourself as you pass through landmark ages of 60, 70, 80, and beyond.
As well as learning to adapt to change, healthy ageing also means finding new things you enjoy, staying physically and socially active, and feeling connected to your community and the special people in your life. Unfortunately, for many of us ageing also brings anxiety and fear. How will I take care of myself late in life? What if I my spouse/partner dies before me or has to go into permanent care? What is going to happen to my mind? Will I have enough money? Etc etc…
Many of these fears stem from popular misconceptions about ageing. But the truth is that you are stronger and more resilient than you may realise. These tips can help you maintain your physical and emotional health, to survive and even thrive, whatever your age or circumstances.
The alarm bells of change
When stress becomes overwhelming, it can hurt your mental health. Unhealthy coping mechanisms and a negative mindset can make dealing with change feel impossible. Stress caused by change may have many physical, emotional, and social symptoms that can hurt our overall well-being if we aren’t able to manage them in a positive way.
These may present as:
- Headaches.
- Trouble sleeping (insomnia).
- Digestive problems and stomach aches.
- Muscle tension, neck, and backaches.
- High blood pressure and heart problems.
- Anxiety and/or depression.
- Irritability and/or anger.
- Eating too much or too little.
- Drinking too much alcohol.
- Overusing drugs (both prescribed and/or recreational drugs).
Some of the practical steps to reconnect with life…and joy.
- Acknowledge that things are changing and may never be the same again.
- Realise that even good change can cause stress.
- Keep up your regular schedule as much as possible.
- Try to eat as healthily as possible and drink at least 8 glasses of hot or cold water per day (or if on fluid instructions from your doctor follow those).
- Exercise – even walking the length of your home 3 or 4 times per day is helpful to break sad thoughts.
- Contact those most likely to give you support.
- Acknowledge the negative things that have happened.
- Then write down the positives that have come from this change add to the list each day.
- Get proactive.
Some of the physical impacts that happen when dealing with changes in your life that feel like endless waves of challenge, include:
- Weight loss. Your clothes may become very loose and look baggy on you.
- Weakness. Moving from sit to stand or vice versa may be harder, and/or your balance may have deteriorated, and/or you may have reduced grip strength.
- Exhaustion. Everything takes a big effort, it may be hard to get out of bed in the morning or to go to bed at night, and hard to find energy to do anything.
- Activity level is low. This includes your former exercise routine, household chores and socialising activities such as leisure or hobby groups you belong to or even your regular trip to the library have all become harder to do.
- Walking slowly. You know it has become harder to start walking when you stand up, and that it takes longer to get from point A to point B.
How to Cope with Life Transitions.
Something that sometimes feels like taming wild animals.
Rather than give up, or in, there are routines that work, or at least provide time for you to regroup
- Practice Radical Acceptance. Radical acceptance focuses on accepting things exactly as they are without ignoring or avoiding them.
- Grieve the Loss.
- Seek Support, from people you know will support you (sometimes that is not the most obvious people).
- Allow Yourself to Feel, the reality of what is happening.
- Engage in Self-Care, resume your daily warm shower or like soothing self-cares.
- Set Realistic Expectations, know it may never return to what it was before the change event. Reset for your new situation.
- Create a Daily Routine.
- Be Patient and Kind with Yourself, don’t expect the impossible but also don’t accept giving up.